Apr 01 2015

Empowering Quotes #79

Published by at 3:18 pm under Beliefs,Challenges,Choice,Empowering Quotes,Life/Death

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Co-dependencyAssertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of “Too Nice” by Doreen Virtue deals with co-dependency and is the source for this Empowering Quote:

Co-dependency means that you blame yourself if someone else is unhappy, and that you feel like it’s your fault if they behave self-destructively. While we pray for and want the very best for our loved ones, the truth is that — if they are healthy adults — they are responsible for their own choices. The other truth is that co-dependency is unhealthy, since carrying around guilt and tension is toxic to our physical, mental, and emotional health.

There is a difference between being assertive with others and being aggressive, and it can be a challenging lesson to learn. It took me many years to learn the distinction.

In my own case, I confused loving someone with being responsible for them and it was a tumultuous experience discovering the difference. I made myself into a doormat because I believed that love meant sacrifice and compromise, and that it was up to me to do the sacrificing and compromising. The absurdity of that finally clicked and I’ve been free of co-dependency (mostly) ever since :).

Don’t take on other peoples’ responsibilities. Adults are free to make their own decisions. And even teenagers and young children need to learn consequences. Your job is to accept their decisions and deal with the impact they may have on your own life. That’s YOUR responsibility – your sole responsibility.

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