Nov 22 2010

Communication & Confrontation

Published by at 11:02 am under Empowerment,Personal Empowerment



There was a time ~ not so many years ago ~ when I fervently avoided communication, especially if it meant any form of confrontation. I steered clear of anything that even remotely resembled conflict of any type.

I know I’m not alone in this, but what are we afraid of? ~ because fear is the only reason we have a problem with communication under these circumstances. I finally figured that one out!

For me, I discovered that I was afraid that people wouldn’t like me; I was afraid of judgement; I was afraid that my opinion was wrong and that ‘they’ were right; I was afraid of appearing dumb… or ignorant… or weak… or ‘less than’. Mostly, I was sooooooooooo afraid of being wrong. There were probably other fears in there too, but these are the ones I identified.

The end result of non-communication to avoid conflict is a feeling of inadequacy ~ a feeling of powerlessness.

So what happens if any of these fears ARE true? What does it matter to me if I’m wrong, or if people judge me, or if they don’t like me, etc.? Is it the end of the world?

Of course, the answer is No, but when we’re not empowered individuals, it can mean the difference between self-love and self-hate. It’s just one more thing we can use to beat ourselves up and ‘prove’ what a terrible person we really are. We don’t consciously think this, of course (usually), but unfortunately that’s what it boils down to. Then, by the Law of Attraction, we perpetuate the circumstances that continue to show us what we believe… subconsciously.

Take a recent event in my own life. A friend of mine, a good friend, hadn’t phone me for quite a while. Our normal communication usually meant three or four phone calls each week, but I didn’t hear anything for more than a week, going on two. I had phoned and left a message, but it was ‘ignored’.

What’s my first thought? “My friend must be upset with me!” I couldn’t think of anything that could have caused this situation, but that’s the only solution my mind came to.

That’s one of the biggest problems with lack of communication: We make a lot of assumptions and often blame our self for events even though we don’t really have a clue what’s going on.

I stewed with the thought that I must have upset my friend for a couple of days. I had imaginary conversations in my mind where I got quite defensive about this fictitious ‘hurt’. How crazy we are!

Anyway, I’ve come a long way from those days where I resisted communication for the sake of non-conflict. I’d had a few experiences where clients had actively disagreed with me and I had survived the confrontation. It’s not always pleasant, but I survived. That’s where the Universe will always help us: Once you make a decision to face your fears, you’ll be provided opportunities to ‘practice’. I had a few practice sessions with a couple of clients :).

Consquently, I took my courage in both hands and decided to phone my friend to sort out whatever was going on. As it turned out, I hadn’t done anything! The lack of communication was something entirely out of my control and nothing to do with me. That’s the problem with assumptions… I’m sure you know what happens with ASSUME!

We make incorrect assumptions that can create misery for our self. But, as Jim Self says, “Misery is optional.” Beating yourself up over some erroneous negative belief is so disempowering. And the greatest tragedy is that it isn’t even the truth of who we are! Facing our fears leads to personal empowerment. So don’t evade communication as a way of avoiding confrontation.

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